Friendship

I'm not sure how old Dugin is, but I would guess he is in his late sixties. He's been a farmer forever, raising an orchard, milk cows, beef cows, and a bunch of great kids. He holds a very dear place in our hearts because his family taught my wife about God. We held our wedding in Columbia, where Dugin lives, just so he and his wife could attend. After we were married, we spent the summer living in a makeshift apartment on the second floor of his house while I worked as a summer intern. When we talk about Dugin and his wife around my house, the word "love" always comes up. He has been such an example of love to us, an example we have sought to emulate.

Perhaps that's what made the visit this week so hard. Four weeks ago Dugin was knocked over by one of his cattle and could not move. His back is bruised badly, his arm is likely broken, and he has been confined to bed the last four weeks in a terrible state. On Sunday he began running a high fever. It was Friday when I saw him, and the fever had been with him all week. He did not look good.

For some reason that I don't fully understand, Dugin refuses to go to the hospital or see a doctor. It's not a matter of religion to him. Maybe it's pride, or fear, or some other personal quirk, but for four weeks he has been bedridden. His wife has tended to him as best she can, but has slowly grown more despondent that she is losing her husband. After laying down for four weeks, it is likely that Dugin has pneumonia. In his state, it is unlikely that he will survive much longer.

Dugin is an independent sort of man. He is an individualist. As I drove home from his house yesterday it struck me that he really doesn't have any close friends his own age. He has friends, I'm sure, but nobody really close. And for all the love he has shown, I can tell now that he really needs a friend that knows him well.

Four weeks ago, when he first fell, a close friend could have visited him, just to see how he was. Three weeks ago, when he still had not seen a doctor, a close friend could have chided him and helped him see the benefit of getting help, if not for his own good then at least for the sake of his wife. On Sunday, when his fever began, a close friend could have told him to stop being so foolish and take care of himself. Then, if necessary, he could have picked him up and carried him to the doctor.

But Dugin doesn't have a close friend like that. He has a loving family, but not a peer who can command his respect and talk to him as an equal. So, here it is four weeks later and Dugin is lying in a bed that will likely turn into his death bed.

Dugin's not the only one. So many of us live our lives alone. We have families, but we don't have close friends, the kind of friends who will be there when we need them. I think of my family, and wonder who will be there to tell my Dad to stop acting foolish when he falls and won't listen to us try to help him up. And I wonder about so many of the rest of us who need a friend to help us, but have lived our lives so secluded from others, so independent, so isolated that nobody will be there to lift us up when we fall.

God has blessed me with one close friend who I know would come to my bedside and not only call me a fool, but pick me up and drag me to where I needed to be to take care of me. I didn't realize until Friday how special such a friend is, or how important it is to have a friend like that. Now I know that this friendship is something I need more than I can ever know, and I realize that I want more friends like this. I want to draw closer to other people so that we can lift each other up in times of trouble. It's not easy to get close to people these days, but I realize now that close friendships like this can make the difference between life and death.

We all need close friends like this, and our spouses and families don't count. They respect us too much sometimes, and we don't always give their words enough merit. We need close friends. People who have seen both our strengths and weaknesses. Folks we've shared our lives with, spent our time with, opened our homes to, and opened our hearts to. We need people that know us well enough to tell us when we're being a fool, and that we respect enough to listen to when they are scolding us.

I'm not sure how old Dugin is, but I believe he is man who is dying too young. He is dying not because he was old, or because he was hurt by one of his cattle, or even because he is ill. He is dying because he had nobody to pick him up when he fell. He is dying for lack of a close friend. It is a sad sight to behold, and a sober reminder of how much we truly need one another.

If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up. (Ecclesiastes 4:10)